Getting your kid to eat: anecdote

Last weekend Mark and I made some spiced rice with Lamb and almond sauce. We made a ton of rice. So we got to enjoy it all week. Here's the rundown of the meals:

1. Rice with lamb and almond sauce
2. Rice with store-brought curry
3. Rice with homemade curry and chickpeas--very spicy!
4. Rice with leftover #3



So here was Noah's reaction (and our interferences/encouragement) to the meals

1. Didn't eat any--he had a quesadilla instead (we had friends over and we didn't even offer Noah and his friend food until we finished eating and they were ready to eat. This is pretty atypical)
2. Would not even touch. We did nag him to try it. He wouldn't. He didn't eat dinner that night. (If he won't eat the food we give him, we make him leave the table, and he doesn't eat. We try not to make big deal about it though, just matter-of-fact).
3. Ate the entire huge plateful and asked for more. Neither Mark or I even asked Noah to try it or eat it. We were too busy talking to think about what Noah was doing and finally I looked over as Noah was taking his last bite.
4. ( WE had this for lunch, not dinner) Ate some of it after eating something else. I thought he would chow down like he did the night before but he ate what he wanted and then he was done.

*Update* these meals were spaced out throughout the week, they were not consecutive dinners. He did eat during other meals.

Here are the lessons from this experience:
- Noah ate the best when we didn't make any assumptions that he would not eat the rice and curry
- Just because he wouldn't eat something the first time we had it, didn't mean that he would never try it
- Just because he loved it one night, didn't mean he would love it the next day

I think this sums up the child feeding experience. Kids will surprise us. The worst thing you can do is make a huge deal out of them not liking something so that they have bad memories to go along with that particular food. If they don't eat something one time you make it, don't let that stop you from serving it again as leftovers or as a future meal. Trying to plan all of your meals around all of you child's favorite foods is also not a good plan since one day they love something, and the next day they don't.

Getting Your Kid to Eat (part 2)

So why is your kid not eating at mealtime? Let's troubleshoot:

1. He's not hungry
2. He's sick
3. He's tired/has no appetite
4. He's distracted
5. He's being rebellious
6. He doesn't like what his parent is serving him
7. other (you'll have to comment if you can think of another broad category)

1. Not Huungry

Why isn't he hungry? Did he just eat? Some kids may need snacks between meals but try to keep them about 2 hours before main meals. If he is still not hungry, then maybe these snacks are too big or are unnecessary. What about a sippy cup--does he carry around a sippy cup full of milk/juice all day long? If so, try limiting drinks to meal/snack time. If he gets thirsty between those times, have him sit at the table to take a drink so that he can distinguish between need and habit. Of course, if he's playing outside in the hot sun, make sure he is well hydrated!

On another note, avoid making your child eat all of the food on his plate or saying he can have dessert if he eats all his food (Forcing/bribing children to eat is a good way to teach a bad habit of overeating). If you are going to have dessert at the end of a meal, offer it to the child regardless of what they ate at dinner, just give them one small portion.

If he is just not hungry, don't push it. Forcing him to eat when he is not hungry can lead to eating/weight problems later.

2. Sick

Don't worry too much about what and how much he eats on sick days. The important thing is to keep him hydrated. Think Powerade in a sippy cup!

3. Tired/no appetite

If this is an unusual occurrence, see #2. If this is a regular occurrence, consider moving mealtime up or changing pre-meal activities.

4. Distracted

Meals should be eaten sitting down at a table--preferably with the family. He shouldn't be walking around eating his food. Avoid having your child eat in front of the TV or with the TV in the background. Limit table time and when the child is finished eating, take away his plate. Toddlers tend to get distracted at this age very easily. That's okay, don't sweat it.

5. Rebellious

Don't pressure your child to eat foods. Rather, offer them the food and then let it go. Meal time should be a pleasant time. Obviously you can't control his behavior but you can show him that you aren't going to force him to eat. Once he realizes this, hopefully he won't act up as frequently at the dinner table.

6. Doesn't Like It

Here's the big issue. He "doesn't like" it. I said this so many times as a kid without ever having even tasted the food I "didn't like." I like most of these foods today. Even foods that I did try and didn't like, I like today.

I'll repeat myself-- Don't pressure your child to eat foods. Rather, offer them the food and then let it go. Continue to offer rejected foods (not at the same meal but whenever they are a part of a meal)--it can take up to 20 "exposures" to a food before a person will realize they like it (Think Green Eggs and Ham)

Offer new foods or foods your child "doesn't like" at the beginning of the meal when they are the hungry and interested in eating. When you do offer new/unliked foods at a meal, make sure you offer it will foods you know your child will eat.

Be a good example of eating good foods. If there is a food you don't like, don't advertise it to your child.

Don't label your child as a picky eater--that will only lead to a self fulfilling prophecy.


7. Other

Leave a comment with the problem you would like me to address!


When you as the parent do your job in the Division of Responsibility, your child will do his. The child will learn that what you provide at a meal is what he gets. There may be days when he decides he does not like a thing that you have made for a meal (even if it is normally his favorite). If your child skips a meal because he doesn't like it, don't fret and don't make him something else. He will not willingly die from hunger! :) It is okay for your child to be hungry and it will reinforce that if he is hungry, he should eat/try the foods you have provided.

Good luck--I would love to hear your feedback!

P.S. refer to part 1 for references

Getting Your Kid to Eat (part 1)

let's try this again. (similar content as previous post but I hated the presentation of information!)

My information for these posts come from Ellyn Satter--a Registered Dietitian and Family therapist who has been working in this area for over 40 years and is an expert on the topic--and my favorite nutrition book: Complete Food and Nutrition Guide (this is a great book for everyone and I highly recommend it!)

Division of Responsibility (click for more info from her website)
This is the theory of what the parent is responsible for and what the child is responsible for when it comes to eating.

1. With Infants:

- Parents decide what the infant will eat (ie: breastmilk or formula)
- Infant decides everything else (when, how much, etc)

2. With Toddlers and adolescents:

- Parents decide what, when, and where
- Child decides which (of the foods offered) and how much (and whether or not he/she eats)

Basically, once your child is eating any solid foods, parents can take more control over when it comes to feeding. The parent should provide a variety of foods and have a set time and place where the foods are eaten. As much as possible, your child should be eating his meals at the table with family. They should be eating the same meal as the rest of the family.